Two Years Later, An Au Pair Returns To Weston

The last time Lana Pinheiro stayed with the Delgass family in Weston as their au pair, they had two cats and six chickens.

But wild animals killed five of the chickens and one just disappeared. Since Pinheiro went back to her hometown São Paulo, Brazil in 2008, the cats had also gone.

Four weeks ago, when Pinheiro returned for her second stay as the family’s au pair, they had five new kittens.

“We’re thinking about getting bees next,” said Jessica Spector, wife of Michael Delgass and mother to four children. “That way when they die it won’t be so sad.”

The Delgass family is always expanding its members. They were crushed when Pinheiro went back to Brazil.

“We talked by phone and Skype and e-mail,” Spector said. “There was not a day that went by that Lana was gone that my kids did not think about her.”

Her kids are Isaac, Aiden, Ariella, and Sadie Delgass — 10, 7, 6, and 4 years old respectively.

“She’s a big sister,” Spector said. “My kids don’t have a big sister.”

Pinheiro is 25. When she first came to the U.S. and to Weston in October 2006, she was 19.

“I had finished high school, and I always wanted to go here,” Pinheiro said. “And I love kids.”

Pinheiro lives with her mom when she is in São Paulo.

She said she babysat for friends, family and neighbors back home. She also worked at a preschool for six months, fulfilling a requirement for being an au pair in the U.S.: Two hundred hours of documented childcare, according to the press release, which also said she has to speak “proficient English.”

“I learned," she said.

“She learned English watching ‘Gilmore Girls,’” Spector interrupted.

“And ‘Friends,’” Pinheiro said.

“Her English was better when she got here than some of my American college students,” said Spector, who formerly taught philosophy at Trinity College in Hartford until 2004.

With Pinheiro as the kids’ regular babysitter, Spector said she found more time to write historical fiction, although she is currently working on a cocktail book.

“I got pregnant with my fourth child and had to decide how seriously to take my writing,” Spector said. “My husband thought we needed help. [He] always wanted an au pair and I was afraid about not having any privacy. But two things I learned are that you don’t have any privacy anyway with four kids, and an au pair is part of the family.”

This is why Loralyn Cropper, the senior community counselor for Weston and Wilton at Au Pair in America, was excited about Pinheiro’s return.

“She’s definitely family,” Cropper said. “I wish every family was like these guys.”

Spector said she heard great things about Cropper from friends with au pairs and asked Pinheiro to switch from the previous company that represented her, Au Pair Care.

“I’ve been a counselor for six-and-one-half years and this is the first time an au pair has returned,” Cropper said. “They are very warm and welcoming to every au pair.”

Pinheiro is the Delgass’ fourth au pair, and their first to return for a second stay.

Pinheiro’s stay in the U.S. ends in two years. She was offered a full scholarship to Trinity College in 2009, but was not granted a student visa.

“She told them she wanted to be an American,” Spector said.

Spector became passionate about the issue the day Pinheiro’s application was denied.

“Imagine your sister or daughter is told she can’t come back," Spector said. "And she’s thousands of miles away and can’t come back. That’s how it felt for our family.”

Spector said she wrote a letter to President Barack Obama but never heard back. She said Pinheiro received letters of support from Sen. Joe Lieberman and former Sen. Christopher Dodd. Still, no visa.

“I think it’s insane that she would be denied a visa,” Spector said. “We should be grateful for people like her. She’s the American dream.”

Pinheiro will eventually return to São Paulo and direct her focus on becoming a journalist. In the meantime, she is one of the Delgasses.

“I lived in the city, so it’s not like I have a backyard,” Pinheiro said. Living in São Paulo, she added, is like living in New York City. “It took me a month to get used to the place, Weston, and the weather. I was like, ‘Whoa! That’s a lot of nature.’”

Coming from a warm climate to New England in October, Pinheiro found herself shivering in 50-degree weather while the Delgass’ were still in light clothing. This was one of many adjustments she had to make during her first visit.

“She had to jump in with three kids under five and a newborn,” Spector said. “But that’s it. That’s the ballgame.”

Pinheiro receives a weekly stipend of $195.76 for 45 hours of work per week, room and board, $500 toward a class, gas money, and two weeks paid vacation time.

During her first visit, Pinheiro took a variety of classes at multiple schools.

“I’m just very curious,” Pinheiro said. “I like so many things. I think that’s one of the reasons I get along with all four kids, because they all like different things.”

A sense of humor is important to everyone in the Delgass family, making Pinheiro’s experience with them a close call. Pinheiro said her friend who filled out a reference form for her to become an au pair didn’t know what “Sense of Humor” meant, so she did not check the box next to it.

“If I had read that form,” Spector said, “I would have been like, ‘No way.’”

Fortunately for Pinheiro and the Delgass’, they did an online video interview that sealed the deal.

“They said they don’t childproof their house,” Pinheiro said. “That’s what sold me.”

Pinheiro, however, hit a few bumps along the way. She once got lost with the kids in the car as the sky turned dark, and she had to ask a police officer for directions. One time she responded to one of the kids having a seizure. And another time, while waiting at the library for Aiden’s doctor appointment, he vomited on her shirt.

“But the movie version of your au pair,” Spector said to Pinheiro with certainty, “It would be a comedy.”

Pinheiro agreed. “Even when they’re in a bad mood, they’re funny,” she said.

“My kids have gotten so much into Brazilian culture,” Spector said. “It expands their world. It broadens their understanding that other cultures do things differently.”

“At first,” Pinheiro said, “They would ask, ‘How do you do that in Brazil?’ or ‘How do you say that in Portuguese?’”

Pinheiro said she doesn’t want to go back to Brazil. “There’s a lot to do here,” she said. “There’s a lot to be recognized. In Brazil, not so much.”

Spector reiterated Pinheiro's becoming part of the family.

“If you expect somebody to love your children, you have to be willing to love them," she said. "You know? I’m a Jewish-Irish girl and she’s a black girl from São Paulo, but we’re family.”